We have an unwanted guest in our house and I am literally fuming! This woman has moved in totally unnoticed and without even being invited!
She treats my house like it’s hers and has replaced my smaller size clothes with her new frumpy size 16 ones, which now fill my wardrobe! Night time she drinks all my wine and then when going to bed, she snores so loudly that she wakes me up!
Every time I walk past a mirror, this woman steps in front of me, and instead of seeing my youthful slim silhouette, all I can see is this fat old woman.
But worst of all, she is a thief and I am so tempted to contact the police! Cakes and sweets have gone missing in my house and she even knows where I keep my secret stash of chocolates! Even money from my bank account has gone missing, mostly spent on food and fancy dinners in London, posting her pictures on my Facebook feed of the posh venues she has visited!
And like that wouldn’t be bad enough, when I had my passport renewed, she stepped in front of me the exact moment the photographer took the picture, so now I have to carry a passport with a picture of this fat old bitch looking like a criminal! And they didn’t even notice anything when I handed over the picture at the Finnish Embassy in London, surely they must have realised that the picture could possibly not be of me?
And would you believe it, she has even duped my husband! I have seen glimpses in the mirror of him hugging this imposter calling her his little Piglet!!! I am absolutely dumbfounded! Has he gone blind or suddenly developed a taste for fat old women?
Come to think of it, when I look at hubby in the mirror, he himself does look a bit older and has gone a tad grey ….and she does look a little bit like me, just 20 years older and 20 kilos heavier….
Maybe there is no need to phone the police after all? I mean how can I prove this identity theft? They would just look at my passport and say:”But it’s you!”
Oh Lord, I have reached middle age without even noticing.