Multicultural marriages are always tricky and sometimes I wonder how we have made it this far, celebrating our silver wedding anniversary next year. On paper, a Finn and a Brit aren’t too different, but reality is that there will always be clashes so I have decided to share my top tips of how to avoid your Finnish wife divorcing you!
Here are my top three tips:
- Always remember to tell your wife if you have either seen or heard something complimentary about Finland. For instance if you have heard Sibelius being discussed on the radio or Finnish design like Marimekko or Iittala being mentioned in the papers, it is compulsory to tell your wife. Likewise if Helsinki, Lapland or the Moomins are being mentioned. However, do not mention any wife carrying, air guitar or bog football competitions, as this will just annoy her as she does not agree that it is “funny” or that it will in any way enhance the public’s opinion of Finland. Bonus points as a husband can be earned if you remember to tell other people about Finnish women’s rights (first country in Europe to allow women to vote and stand for parliament in 1906), the country’s award winning education system, or the fact that your wife went to school with Andy McCoy and Nasty Suicide from Hanoi Rocks!
- Prepare to have two Christmas dinners as Christmas is celebrated on December 24th in your house. Decline every single invitation to go out for a drink with workmates on Christmas Eve as you will be sitting down to a Finnish Christmas meal at 5pm or 6pm. Remember to praise your wife after every course (there will be at least four courses) and after every mouthful of herring, salmon or ham! If you are lucky, you will have a British Christmas meal cooked on the 25th, but do not argue with your wife about which day is the correct Christmas, as her comeback will be that even the British Royal Family celebrate on Christmas Eve! There are some extra bonus points on offer for the husband for eagerly nodding when your Finnish wife suggests that she will be baking a ginger bread house, even if there are no small children in the house. Double bonus points will be earned when she finishes it two days later and you whole heartedly and lovingly admire her masterpiece, although you both know that the judges of The Great British Bake Off would be rolling on the floor with laughter.
- Last but not least, agree to separate duvets in the bedroom. Now, do not worry, she’s not suggesting separate bedrooms, just two single duvets instead of a double one that you both keep fighting over. You see, Finnish women are very practical but they also feel the cold more than their husbands! This means that when you still want the bedroom window open, sleep in just a pair of boxer shorts and a summer duvet, she can be cosy and warm under a winter duvet! And by the way, we are sick of the questions how we feel cold as we are from Finland, please note that the cold in Finland is outside a house not inside a house like in Britain! Also, if other Finnish women are anything like me, they are excellent duvet thieves wrapping up like burritos in bed! Now, husbands need to be careful as minus points can be earned in the bedroom, so please realise that when your wife is undressing and you notice she has bought new underwear, that does not automatically mean she is “up for it” and you need to grab her bum or boobs, likewise in the morning when she is getting dressed and you come out of the shower, there is no need to shake your willy in front of her. We might be of Viking descent but we still appreciate more sophisticated seduction manners! Needless to mention, there are naturally some extra bonus points to be earned in the bedroom by the husband, but I will not go into further detail and will leave that to your own imagination!
That’s all from me this time, hope my advice helps! Love and peace to everyone once again!